[Networking]
Cell phones. E-mail. Virtual meetings. While these tools have made it easier to connect with prospects and colleagues instantly, they’ve also made it harder to, well, connect in a deep, meaningful way. Somehow in our quest to provide more, faster, better information, we’ve lost sight that people are people, not computers. Yet ironically, it’s our emotions, not our data, that drive a transaction. Even the most well-written business e-mail can’t touch that part of a person that feels pride when her son makes a touchdown or joy when she hits the high note in choir. That’s why I want to bring back the lost art of shmoozing.
Shmoozing is all about interacting with people in a way that creates feelings of warmth, goodwill and pleasure. “Just the facts, ma’am,” doesn’t go deep enough, especially when your product or service is a commodity. The best news is that when you create joy for a living, you don’t have to “sell.” People want to do business with you because you make them feel good about both the business relationship and themselves. It happens as naturally as breathing.
I like to illustrate my philosophy with the tactics of an imaginary salesman, “Mr. Shmooze.” This larger-than-life character—a real-life composite of the greatest salespeople I’ve encountered—amazes people with the way he sails through his unconventional business meetings, spreading laughter, humor and even joy.
We’re all on the planet, right now, working, struggling, laughing and crying every day. I love people, and I want them to know it. Everyone makes decisions daily about whom will be their friend, whom will be their partner, whom they’ll take a call from, and, in business, whom they’ll buy from based on two basic sensations: pleasure and pain. If they associate you with pleasure, you win!
While the Mr. Shmooze tips below are aimed primarily at salespeople, the principles apply to almost anyone who communicates with prospects or current clients. They also apply to anyone who wants to win friends, influence people, find a new job or climb the corporate ladder. We all “sell” in some capacity—therefore we should all shmooze.
So what can you do to transform yourself into a Mr. Shmooze? Here are a few suggestions.
Figure out what really matters to the prospect. (Hint: It usually has nothing to do with the business at hand.) Capitalize on the opportunity to enter the prospect’s emotional world. Mr. Shmooze helps his client see that his prospect’s passion in life is his son, a talented golfer. Rather than simply inviting the prospect to play golf, he should invite the prospect’s son. Then, Mr. Shmooze brainstorms with the client to come up with ways to make the outing really spectacular—incorporating shirts and golf balls imprinted with participants’ names, an impromptu group lesson from a pro and videotapes of everyone’s swing, mailed a week after the event. The point is that by paying close attention to your prospects and clients, you can figure out what really drives them. You’ll find clues in the photos in his office or the things he brings up in casual conversation. The key is to be alert.
Practice the art of elevation. In every interaction, seek to elevate the prospect’s experience to a memorable level that goes above and beyond the ordinary. Let’s briefly revisit our golf story. You’ll notice the basic idea (a day of golf) is not earth-shatteringly unique. But Mr. Shmooze’s version contains fun and exciting details. A run-of-the-mill salesperson might well have come up with a golf outing and a gift of golf balls, but by including the client’s son and personalizing the golf balls, the outing is elevated to an exhilarating new level.
Relax—you can shmooze without spending a fortune. There are plenty of ways to elevate a client’s or prospect’s experience that don’t cost much, if anything. You can send a card on his anniversary or attend his daughter’s soccer game. If you discover your client loves Thai cooking or Afghan hounds—you can e-mail her a link to an Asian recipe website or send her a book on exotic dog breeds. These small gestures can make a big difference. I have a colleague who called on a prospect who happened to be a huge Chicago Cubs fan. After the meeting, my colleague happened to walk by a store with a Cubs tie in the window. Naturally, he bought it and overnighted it to the prospect. It’s very likely that that $20 expenditure, plus postage, won him the account.
Do your follow-up shmoozing immediately. The minute Mr. Shmooze leaves a meeting, he’s on his cell phone with his assistant asking her to send things to his clients, prospects and colleagues: Baseball tickets, real estate license class schedules, articles from the Internet and so forth. In proper shmoozing, time is of the essence. It’s true that, within a week, a potential buyer forgets 90 percent of what a salesperson showed her. In fact, a lot is forgotten in the first 24 hours after a meeting. But if you send someone a book or a tie the very next day, you go a long way toward overcoming that amnesia. Plus, if you make it standard procedure to do your follow-up shmoozing right away, you won’t forget to do it.
Don’t limit your shmoozing to “people who matter.” Everyone matters. Mr. Shmooze shmoozes everyone, not just potential clients or people with money. He generously tips bartenders, gives expensive cigars to carhops, presents restaurant hostesses with small gifts. Why? Because these are the people who execute those all-important “little details” that elevate any experience. By shmoozing service people, you not only motivate them to do a good job for your prospects, you set in motion a “compound interest” effect that can benefit you in the future. You don’t know who the waiter’s parents are, or, for that matter, what the waiter himself does outside of that capacity. And it really doesn’t matter. You can’t build too much goodwill.
By now you may be thinking: isn’t all of this shmoozing a little, well, manipulative? That’s the wrong attitude. You’re going to be interacting with these people anyway, so why not do it in a manner that makes their lives a little better? What’s not to like about accentuating the positive? The best news of all is that, in a time when so many people suffer from the all-work-and-no-play syndrome, shmoozing is a form of play. It’s as fun for the shmoozer as it is for the shmoozee.
It surprises people to learn that selling is not about manipulating, talking or even persuading. It’s about giving. In its purest form, shmoozing is simply making people’s lives better. And here’s the key: when you help others, they want to help you in return. So shmoozing, in this context, is a beautiful thing—and a heck of a lot more fun than being clinical and ordinary. Try it. You’ll find that not only is it profitable, it’s also rewarding on a very deep and personal level.
Mr. Abraham is president of The Richard Abraham Company (est. 1981). He became interested in the dynamics of the selling process through his involvement in the development and marketing of more than $1 billion of commercial real estate. Today he continues to conduct extensive research and advises organizations that wish to better understand the art of relationship building and the science of selling. You can e-mail him at rabraham@rabraham.com.
Mr. Shmooze: The Art and Science of Selling Through Relationships (The Richard Abraham Company, 2002, ISBN: 0-9741996-0-5, $19.95) is available at bookstores nationwide and through major online booksellers. For more information, visit www.mrshmooze.com.
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