Welcome to February, a month long-associated with that abysmal holiday of affezction—Valentine’s Day. A “Hallmark” holiday whereby individuals poisoned by Cupid’s poignant arrows gleefully pronounce their affection for one another.1 Spring—the fever-inducing season—follows closely behind.2 The concurrence of these two events has been known to render ostensible grownups incapable of rational thought, create relationships borne of lust and passion alone3 and accomplish little more than the pocket-lining of jewelers, florists and chocolatiers.
You might ask what my clear disdain for forced romanticism has to do with the workplace. Unfortunately, it has everything to do with the workplace—because those irrational grownups you read about moments ago are also employees. These otherwise capable individuals become miserable masses of starry-eyed affection, the object of which all too often happens to be—yes—a coworker.
The phenomenon of workplace romance
As Americans, we’re accused of working too much. It certainly seems as if we spend more and more of our time at work. Thus, we’re likely to meet people with certain similarities—at a minimum, choice of career. Aside from the increase in time spent with coworkers, there’s been a drastic change in the gender makeup of the workforce over the last four decades as well as changed social views about workplace dating. A recent survey conducted by Spherion indicated 40 percent of workers were willing to date a coworker. The same amount admitted to already having done so.
For single folk (or sexually liberalized attached folk), this is great news! It’s like one-stop shopping: Pick up a paycheck, steal some office supplies and coffee mugs and find a mate. Even my “pick up and drop off” dry cleaner doesn’t offer that level of service.4
Unfortunately, however, these more open5 views on workplace dating come at a bad time. Even though our society’s increasingly liberalized6 sexual attitudes invade every facet of life, our legislative bodies are imposing Puritanical standards about workplace conduct. A proverbial clash of Titans ensues, with coworkers suing one another over words and conduct that children learn from video games and prime time television.
The perils of workplace romance
Admittedly, not all coworkers are suing each other over such conduct (yet). Those who aren’t are apparently dating instead. And, as a result, employers are faced with the unique problems posed by these relationships. These are, in no particular order:
Harassment claims by third parties. Other employees who are held captive to the lovebirds’ conduct file lawsuits alleging sexual harassment. Those lovey-dovey kisses, handholding and office indiscretions cause some people to feel uncomfortable.
Claims of sexual favoritism. Employees who aren’t the object of their supervisor’s affection make claims they were denied the same opportunities for advancement, key job assignments and so forth. Although a single instance of such favoritism doesn’t give rise to such claims, a serial workplace dater can create a problem.
“Scorned lover” lawsuits. Every once in a while, a relationship doesn’t work out. All too often, one party wants to end it (the dumper) and one party is upset (the dumpee). In instances where there’s a disparity in emotion, claims arise that the dumper abused his or her power in starting the relationship.
All of these types of problems can result in threatened or actual litigation. Despite the occurrence of such claims and the increased cost of both litigation and liability, few employers do anything to protect themselves. But it only takes a few simple steps to assist most employers in minimizing the risks of such relationships:
“Relax, Don’t do it.”7 The first way to avoid the problem is to not engage in the conduct. It’s a big ocean; fish somewhere else. This will keep you out of trouble and raise the bar for other employees.
Train employees on the perils of workplace romance. From a legal liability perspective, dating a coworker is stupid—and dating a subordinate is moronic.
Promulgate a written policy. Informing employees upfront about the organization’s view on workplace dating is an often-overlooked step. Whether you want to prohibit such conduct altogether (employers who attempt to do this need to consult with counsel regarding potential marital status discrimination issues) or simply inform employees that the company discourages certain relationships (such as supervisor/subordinate), putting the rules in writing helps from both an adherence and enforcement perspective.
Monitor such relationships. In the gossip mongering workplaces we all inhabit, you’ll quickly find out about budding romances among not-particularly-good-judgment-laden employees.8 Checking in with employees to ensure the relationship is on the “up and up,” and informing them of the company’s policies regarding harassment and discrimination, can deter conduct that can result in claims by others. It can also help to alert the organization if a romance begins to sour before the working relationship becomes untenable.
If none of these options work, you can always resort to dousing the employees suffering from the “hots” with cold water.
1 It turns out St. Valentine’s Day became associated with rituals of love and excesses of flowers long before the ubiquity of Hallmark. The blame for that tragedy lies with Geoffrey Chaucer. For those of us who look at this so-called holiday with skepticism, it should come as no surprise that this linkage came in a publication titled The Parliament of Foules. If you don’t believe me, ask Wikipedia.
2 How “close” is dependent upon the skittishness of an infamous rodent.
3 No offense to lust or passion!
4 And while he’s a nice enough chap, he’s not my type. Admittedly, however, I haven’t seen his office supplies or coffee mugs.
5 I would have used the word “liberalized” again, but I get accused of politicizing. So “open” seemed the least poor substitute.
6 That darn word again!
7 “Relax,” Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1983)
8 I’m working on the Guinness Book award for hyphenation.
