Welcome to the September issue of NorthBay biz magazine. It’s hard to believe, but it’s already time to begin planning next year’s editorial calendar. In two weeks, by the time you’re reading this column, I’ll be assigning stories for our Growth vs. No Growth December issue. Unlike newspapers, the culture of early deadlines and working well in advance is de rigueur for the monthly magazine industry. In compiling our editorial calendar for each new year, we endeavor to pick cover themes that address the topics that have the greatest impact upon the North Bay business community at large. One cover story topic you’re sure to see again next year is housing, especially workforce housing. In fact, this year we’ve made this subject the cover theme twice, once in our March issue and now again in September. The reason for this focus is straightforward—affordable housing is inextricably linked to jobs, transportation, quality of life and the economic vitality of the entire region.
This issue’s cover story frames the debate on how to find balance between the need for urban development and the desire to preserve a community’s character as seen through the eyes of North Bay architects and designers. Other stories include: how a change of attitude is necessary if we ever hope to fix the short supply of workforce housing that’s available in Marin; why so many tourists visit the North Bay’s coast and decide to stay; and a look at the impact being made by the new crop of ambitious, young real estate agents. Plus, more stories and our quarterly commercial real estate report grace the pages of this month’s magazine.
This issue is an especially good one, filled with valuable local content unavailable anywhere else. So please sit back and enjoy all the stories, special features and columns in the North Bay’s only locally owned business publication, NorthBay biz.
This is the point in my column where I usually launch into a rant on some political topic of the moment. However, I’ve had a few loyal readers and fans of my column counsel me recently that maybe, once in a while, I should lighten up and go for a laugh or two. In fact, a former Sonoma County bank executive said she would scream if I wrote another column on taxes. So I guess it’s time to try to go funny and share some of the best Web wit I’ve received from around the country. All of this is unattributed and definitely not anything original created by me. It is kind of funny though, so here goes.
ZEN SARCASM: 1. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 2. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else. 3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 4. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 5. Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. 6. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. 7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 8. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. 9. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield. 10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 11. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 12. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving. 13. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. 14. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 15. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029: 1. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern U.S. crops and livestock 2. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. 3. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. 4. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. 5. Postal service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 6. 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. 7. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. 8. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. 9. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. 10. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
NEW BOOK ON GOLF: Chapter 1. How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2. How to Hit a Nike From the Rough When You Hit a Titleist From the Tee Chapter 3. How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker Chapter 4. How to Get More Distance From a Shank Chapter 5. How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water Chapter 6. Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th Hole Chapter 7. When to Give the Ranger the Finger Chapter 8. How to Relax When Hitting Three Off the Tee Chapter 9. When to Suggest Major Swing Changes to Your Opponent Chapter 10. How to Go a Whole Round Without Honors
And finally, just because I can’t resist throwing in some political stuff, surprisingly about taxes, here’s a sample letter some of you might be interested in sending off to one of your Senators in Washington.
Dear Senator:
As a native U.S. citizen and long-time customer of the IRS, I’m writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which has recently passed the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions are correct, as an illegal alien who has been in the U.S. for five years, I only need pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I recognize a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone else in the U.S. figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have paid taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there a way I can apply to be an illegal retroactively? This would yield excellent results for my family and me. We paid pretty heavy taxes every year from 2000 thru 2005. Another benefit in gaining an illegal status would be that our children would receive preferential treatment relative to their college/university applications and tuitions. If you would provide me with an outline of the process needed to become an illegal alien (retroactively if possible) and copies of all necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Signed, Your Loyal Constituent
That’s it for now. Enjoy this month’s magazine.
