In theory, social networking media for business purposes is a powerful, foolproof, unassailable tool of profit-making awesomeness. Consider an alternative we used to consider mainstream networking in the pre-Internet age: the Economic Club meeting.
Now, why would you go to the Economic Club meeting? Not to hear the speaker, because the speeches are predictable and rarely insightful. Not to enjoy the cuisine, because they put funny things in the mashed potatoes. And certainly not for the privilege of wearing a suit and either walking from your downtown office or driving and then searching in vain for a place to park. Because you know darn well that you’re business casual unless you have to go to shindigs like this.
By the time you go through the whole thing, you’ve probably lost two-and-a-half hours of productivity. (And remember, we’re talking about a pre-modern devices visit, so you’re not tapping away on your BlackBerry at the table. They don’t exist yet.)
Why would you get that far behind on your work, eat bad food and listen to a dull speech? Because you might meet someone who might have some interest in doing business with you. If you’re lucky. More likely than not, you’re sitting next to the screw supervisor at Dirk’s Corporation, who’s attending because Dirk insisted, and offers you about as much networking value as a conversation with a Twix bar.
Still, you sit and listen politely while he explains how hard it is to work with screws that the manufacturer forgot to properly customize for work with polyethylene materials. Or something.
You trudge back into the office around 2:30 p.m., muttering to yourself, “I really got a lot out of that.”
That what’s got you down, Bunky? Well, put a smile on that face! Now you can network with people you never even have to meet!
LinkedIn, of course, is a popular and well-populated site with a business focus. And to make sure you’re serious, you can’t even request someone as a connection unless you can at least explain to the system where you know them from. Contrast this with MySpace, where you get friend requests on a fairly regular basis from saucy 21-year-old females who want you as the tonic for what ails them. Or so they say.
If you want a business version of Facebook, you can sign up on Plaxo, which even lets you import your Facebook photos, so now you can let the world know about your engineering services while showing them pictures of your drunken adventures.
And there’s more. I keep getting an invitation to get a profile on Fast Pitch, but I resist it because I’m spending enough time on these things as it is. I received an email saying a long-time friend wanted me to be her friend on something called Yaari, only to hear from the friend herself that she’d never heard of Yaari and had no idea what it was.
As for Twitter, I don’t get it and never will. For one thing, I don’t see how they make any money, since it’s free to sign up and there are no ads. All you do on Twitter is write micro-blog posts that can’t be more than 140 characters. What can I possibly tell you in 140 characters or less that will interest you in the slightest?
“D.F. Krause is laughing at some idiots standing outside my window who are trying to decide if their goatees are still stylish, because they look like utter fools. Should”
Damn. Ran out of room. Forget Twitter.
Let’s say you get profiles on Facebook, LinkedIn and Plaxo. Within two-and-a-half hours, you have 150 friends and/or connections, and you’ve already discussed the finer points of your company with 17 of them. What’s more, you did it while you had your feet up on your desk, munching cold, leftover fried chicken, which is what you really wanted to have for lunch.
All this cost you nothing, and you actually accomplished two tasks on your to-do list while engaging in these exchanges. Within one week, you were doing business with one of your friends/connections. I bet you’re not missing the screw supervisor from Dirk’s Corporation now. But be careful, for this too can be a trap.
Facebook, especially, offers tremendous potential for distraction. When you’re sitting there chewing on a hockey puck, I mean a roll, and talking to your friend from Dirk’s, at least you’re sort of in a business environment. When you’re doing the “Five Places I Like to Scratch Myself” quiz on Facebook, let’s face the fact that you’ve fallen completely into goof-off territory. And even some of the business connections you’ll make on LinkedIn and Plaxo won’t necessarily be worth your time.
Harris Wartsworth Leemington VII: “D.F., I saw your profile here on Plaxo and I was wondering if you’ve made sure to respond to the new membership drive at the Rock Tree Country Club. I’m a member, and while Rock Tree is very selective as to whom it invites, your status as a CEO would position you for premium consideration.”
Me: “Aren’t country clubs the places where you have to pay to be a member, then you also pay through the nose for everything you do there?”
Harris Wartsworth Leemington VII: “Not everything. Just eating, playing golf, sitting in the clubhouse, breathing…at any rate, hardly a concern for us CEOs, right?”
Me: “What are you the CEO of?”
Harris Wartsworth Leemington VII: “The Leemington Foundation for Philanthropic Flatulence.”
There’s three-and-a-half minutes of my life I’ll never get back. I really need to be more careful how I spend my time on these things.
Wait. Five Ways You Like to Clean Your Ear Wax? Oh boy!
