If I Agreed With You

Welcome to the special annual Harvest Fair/Wine issue of NorthBay biz magazine. Once again, this issue is one of the largest and most enjoyable to produce that we publish all year. That doesn’t come as too big a surprise, since it’s also long been a reader and advertiser favorite. For more than a decade, NorthBay biz has been the official print publication of the long-established and highly successful Sonoma County Harvest Fair. Inside, you’ll find the 2010 Harvest Fair schedule and guide of events to help you navigate your way around the fun. If you’ve never attended this event, or haven’t gone in a while, make sure you attend this year. It’s a guaranteed good time.

This year, as usual, the Special Wine issue is filled with fun, facts, figures and fancy. Beginning with the cover story on blending, we entertain and inform on varied topics that include auctions, great tastes, wine bars, profiles, vineyard vignettes and another installment in our Hidden Gems series, this time on Green Valley. Altogether, there are nine stories in this issue that explore the lighter and more serious sides of growing grapes and making world class wines in Napa and Sonoma counties. In addition to all the stories about the wine industry, you’ll find a feature on local chocolates, some columns and all our regular features. So, sit back, relax, pour yourself a glass of your favorite local wine and enjoy this special issue of NorthBay biz. Then go out and enjoy the Harvest Fair.

Once again, it’s time to lighten up—take a break from my monthly rants. Deficits, employment numbers and profligate spending will still be targets, but not until next issue. A tour on the funny side is overdue. The following is gleaned from the Internet, with no attribution, but whatever the original source, it captures some humorous truisms on life in general. Hope these bring a smile. Let’s start with a collection of the best smart-ass answers of 2010.

It was mealtime during an airline flight. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John seated in the front row. “What are my choices?” John asked. “Yes or no,” she replied.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the officer said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

A truck driver is driving on the freeway and notices a sign that reads: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly…I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

Moving along to paraprosdokians. “Huh?” is an appropriate response. It was mine. Here’s a brief definition. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It’s frequently used for humorous effect. Let’s see if you agree.

•    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

•   Don’t argue with an idiot. He’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

•   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

•   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

•   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

•   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks they can train a person to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

•   I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

•   Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

•   Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

•   I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

•   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

•   I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

•   You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

That’s it for now. Enjoy this month’s magazine.