Welcome to the December Growth/No Growth issue of NorthBay biz magazine. This is one of the issues we especially enjoy producing each year, as we have a chance to shed some light on the always lively and controversial topic of growth in the North Bay.
The midterm election cycle is finally over. If you’re anything like me, its cessation brings relief. You can turn the TV on again without being bombarded by an endless stream of negative ads accusing candidates of unspeakable acts of depravity. Both major political parties mounted these assaults, and if you were to believe the claims, there wouldn’t have been a single candidate deserving your vote. What ever happened to just having candidates state what they stood for without personally attacking their opponent?
Anyway, as I watched election returns come in, one especially cruel-hearted pundit reminded me that the day following this election was the official start of the next presidential election cycle. I nearly screamed.
Last year, inspired by a mock write-in candidacy platform for President authored by Andy Rooney, Bill Cosby or Lee Iacocca (take your pick) that are always bouncing around the Internet, I put forth a redacted version of what I think would be a surefire, winning platform for any Presidential candidate with enough moxie to champion it, that would resonate with many Americans across the country—especially given the results of this recent election. So, with a glint in my eye and a knowing grin on my lips, here’s this year’s version of a winning candidate’s platform:
1. The official language of this country is English. Period. No discussion. It follows then that the phrase, “Press one for English” is banned. Everyone can and should be proud of their heritage, but if you want to live and work here and become a citizen of this country, it means you must think of yourself as an American first. And the quickest route to that end is to learn the language.
2. A moratorium on all-new federal government spending will be established until the national debt is reduced to zero—coupled with a simple new law that makes it illegal for Congress to spend more than it collects. Debt thereby becomes a relic of the past and if myriad social reengineering projects must be cut to balance the budget—so much the better.
3. Confusion surrounding Social Security will be cleared up once and for all with a simple Presidential proclamation: “If you ain’t never put anything into Social Security, you ain’t never going to get anything out.” That should answer all questions concerning eligibility.
4. America needs to become an isolationist country for a few years. That means a temporary no import/no export policy needs to be established. This will create millions of good-paying jobs in a reemerging manufacturing sector as we reintroduce the concept of “making it here and selling it here.” And folks will quickly come to realize that Walmart had it right all along, maintaining: “If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.”
5. The only exception to the export ban will be wheat, because the world does seem to have an inexhaustible appetite. Recognizing this, America will peg the price of a bushel of wheat to that of a barrel of Mideast oil.
6. When manufacturing jobs are solidly reestablished again, and millions of new jobs have been created, imports will be allowed back into the country. Then we’ll impose a tax high enough to make any imported product competitive with American-produced products. Gone will be the days of “dumping” goods in our markets to drive out American competition. Let all companies that want to do business here compete on a level playing field, with the consumer the final arbiter on what products represent the best value.
7. Welfare benefits will be available for those who demonstrate need every Friday at the end of a 40-hour school/job training week and, of course, the successful completion of urine test to ensure the absence of drugs.
8. To rid our country of its dependency on foreign energy sources, we’ll begin the transition by building 50 nuclear power plants around the country while developing our own reservoirs of in-ground energy that have been too-long neglected. Simultaneously, we’ll embark on a program, much like our efforts when the nation first committed to put a man on the moon, to develop alternative energy sources to power our world into the future.
9. If you follow the money in any election, it will lead you to various special interest groups owning/controlling our politicians. To sever this sycophantic relationship, political donations larger than $100 per person and $250 per company or union will be illegal. And for politicians to get their message out, candidates will receive taxpayer funding to run their campaign. So nothing will really change, as politicians will continue to serve the people who gave them the money to run the campaigns, except this time the people themselves will be the special interests. It will be quite novel to have elected officials actually working for all the people again instead of small special interest groups.
10. The era of hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars being wasted every year on foreign aid is over. If a foreign country needs aid, let it apply for a loan. That money will then be used to offset/lower working families’ taxes and to reduce the national debt.
11. The daily Pledge of Allegiance will be a mandatory practice in every school across the nation and in the U.S. Congress.
12. The Star-Spangled Banner and/or God Bless America will be played at every appropriate federal, state or local government ceremony. No exceptions!
Tongue- (partially) in-cheek or not, would you vote for a candidate who held the above 12 positions as part of his or her political platform? Something to think about.
That’s it for now. Enjoy this month’s magazine.
