It’s keeping me awake at night—and I’m sure it’s having the same effect on you: America’s children are so uninformed about the nuances of business.
How do I know this? For starters, it shows in the behavior of your average American teenager, particularly many who become high school graduates and start, er, applying for jobs.
“Brandi, you can’t just sit around my house forever, you know. You need to get a job!”
“Mom! Madison and I were walking around the mall all day putting in applications! We walked so much that our feet were killing us! Flip-flops aren’t that comfortable, you know!”
“Were you wearing that Meghan McCain tank top while you were, um, applying for jobs? You’re popping out of that thing like Richard Heene when he thinks he’s finally got a reality show offer.”
“Damn. Should I have worn the Tila Tequila one?”
These are teenagers. They’re idiots. But it starts when they’re tiny little crumb crunchers. That’s the time to teach them about how business really works. That’s the time to teach them about the nature of labor costs, about calculating market value, about budgeting, about executive decision making…get them while they’re young.
Granted, they’re more interested in munching graham crackers at that point than they are in crunching numbers on P&L statements. But this is why you have to make it interesting and put it in their language.
I’m not going to use the term “bring it down to their level,” because I’m not so sure their level is really down compared to some of the people I know in business. I prefer to say it has a distinctive flavor. And if we don’t do this, we’re going to end up with an even more clueless generation of business leaders than the one we have right now.
With that in mind, I herewith present the D.F. Krause Business Coloring and Activity Book.
I’ll be marketing this work of literary genius soon, but if I were Jeffrey Gitomer, I’d be worried. By the time my coloring book penetrates the young minds of America, there’ll be no need to read a syndicated column about sales. These kids will get it instinctively. Here are some of the highlights I’ll be featuring:
• Stan is the CEO. Stan is panicking because the client is coming and his work isn’t done. Oh no! Connect the dots and see Stan running down the hallway to yell at his executive management team!
• Jay hasn’t paid any of his vendor’s invoices. His phone won’t stop ringing. Oh dear! Use the code below to find out what will happen next! (Examples of how the code works: A = Attorney. B = Bills. C = Certified letter. D = Default judgment.)
Solution: Q U I C K F L I G H T T O B E R M U D A.
• Craig is reading his profit-and-loss statement. Uh oh! All his money is disappearing faster than a Disney Channel series in its third season! Color the lines on the P&L statement to show how desperate Craig is for money. Bonus activity: Soon Craig will be eating government cheese. Color the cheese to look like the cheese in your family’s refrigerator. Or, what color would the cheese be if it sat in the refrigerator for three months?
• See the maze. Darla is trying to get a contract from the federal government, but first she has to earn 19 certifications, fill out 348 forms and prove that she is at least 12.44 percent of Botswanian descent. Color your way through the maze to get to the contract approval process! Bonus: See Darla three years after getting the contract, still waiting to have her invoices paid by the General Accounting Office. Make the rags she’s wearing your favorite color!
• Word search: Business people use funny words and expressions! Find the following words and phrases in the word search below. SYNERGY. ALIGNMENT. CORE COMPETENCY. GREENING. KAIZEN. PARTICIPATORY MANAGEMENT. TWEAK.
• Speaking of green, it’s trendy to pretend to care about the environment! See the picture of the building. It’s your world headquarters. Color it green, tear it out and mail it to the EPA to help save the Earth. Take no further action.
You know what this is going to create? A generation of business geniuses, that’s what. This might sound pretty silly to you, but you’re the people who sit on the edge of your seat waiting to hear what Alan Greenspan thinks will happen with GDP growth. You’re the people who sit and listen to Stephen M.R. Covey (the son, not the father) talk about how awesome it would be if we all just trusted each other because we wouldn’t have to waste time and money on contracts.
You’re the people who invented the Clapper, the Segue and Crocs. At least the kids won’t entertain any pretense of sophistication. In fact, come to think of it, it might not hurt if some of you get my coloring book as well. I can’t honestly pretend it will teach you anything useful, but if it stops you from thinking about the stuff you normally think about, even for a moment, that can only be a healthy distraction.
Crayons can save the world. Get coloring, suits!
